


This Universe

by sydvein



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, no there's no mcd, yes it's minayeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:33:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26296477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydvein/pseuds/sydvein
Summary: Mina and Nayeon have a tradition of bringing back gifts for each other every time they went away.  This time, Mina's determined to break their tradition.highly inspired by that one scene in (500) Days of Summer
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Myoui Mina
Comments: 12
Kudos: 96





	This Universe

If we _focus_ on the right things, we'd be okay.

_expectations_

_\--_

reality

_\--_

_she doesn’t know how many minutes it has been since she arrived. but here she is, standing in front of the brown mahogany door of an almost unfamiliar apartment. she’s still deciding whether to continue with her plan of surprising the other girl. it’s late and she wonders if the older is already deep asleep._

_she knows she should’ve made a better plan. but it had been months. months of nothing but video calls and text messages that never really seemed to satisfy her longing. she looks down to the bouquet of peonies in her hand, a personal favorite, and the large bag full of knick knacks from her last trip. she figures it’s too late to back out now so she finally knocks._

_it's funny how mere minutes of waiting for the door to open can seem to be so much longer than the days she had spent away in another country. she felt cold sweat run down the back of her neck when she heard the faint footsteps come closer from the opposite side of the closed door._

_there’s just a split second when her vision shows nothing but brown, then it blurs, and the next thing she knows is that there’s a pair of arms already around her and a mess of hair against her face. it was an extremely tight embrace, and she’s a little worried of the flowers she bought getting crushed. but it didn’t really matter. she can just easily buy and give them again because now she’s here._

_they stayed like that for quite a while until she heard the quiet sob from the other girl. but her hands are full and she can’t soothe her girlfriend’s back to offer comfort. so she wiggles her face and brushes their cheeks instead. it was the best she can do given their current position._

_mina hears her girlfriend’s giggles first as the other girl untangled herself from her. she felt the hands on her back travel to her face._

_nayeon’s face finally comes into view._

_“i missed you nayeonnie.”_

_“welcome home, baby.” nayeon whispers against her lips before she kisses her fully._

\--

she doesn’t know how many minutes it has been since she arrived. but here she is, standing in front of the brown mahogany door of nayeon’s apartment. she’s still deciding whether to continue with her plan of surprising the other girl. it’s late and she wonders if the older is already deep asleep.

she knows she shouldn't have come unannounced. because it had been months. months of nothing. not even a single call or text, just pure radio silence. she looks down at the large bag full of knick knacks that she brought from her last trip. it would've been nice if she had bought the bouquet of peonies she saw along the way, but that might seem inappropriate considering it's been years since they stopped being whatever they were before this. she figures it’s too late to back out now so she finally knocks.

nayeon's face comes into view, and her expression immediately contorts into pure shock by her sudden appearance. 

seeing the other girl's face for the first time after a long time just made a sudden constricting pain in mina’s chest, because until now nayeon will forever be the prettiest in her eyes. 

"hello nayeon." she greets timidly.

"mina, what are you doing here?" 

\--

_the hand on her arms never left as nayeon guided her inside. she was so excited to show the myriad of snacks and trinkets that reminded her of nayeon when she was away. mina wanted to let the other girl know how she never left her mind. but the moment she was done placing the flowers on the vase that was handed to her, a searing kiss came right after._

_there is nothing innocent with the way nayeon kisses her. not this time. there's nothing but pure, raw passion that probably came from being away from each other for too long._

_"bed. now."_

_it was not a question, nor a plea, and mina is more than willing to follow._

_a trail of discarded clothes lined up the path towards the bedroom. and after a series of bumps and a couple of struggles along the way, they finally found themselves tangled up on the bed._

_the older girl straddles her. with nothing but teeth and tongue, nayeon shows exactly just how much she had missed her._

_it was exhilarating. everything about nayeon is mind numbing. and because it's all so overwhelming, eventually mina was not able to keep up._

_she suddenly withdraws from the kiss. but nayeon didn't seem to be caught off guard. she gets it._

_nayeon didn't even have to ask her what's wrong. in an instant, there are already two arms encircling her. and just like earlier, she once again feels nayeon's embrace._

_mina feels nice, wrapped in nayeon's arms like this. with both of them bare for each other, and so close she doesn't even know where her skin ends and nayeon's starts. the older rests her head on mina's shoulders. she feels the flutter of nayeon's eyelashes against her jaw and the steady puffs of breath against her neck. she feels the beat in nayeon's chest get in sync with her own, the nimble fingers combing through her hair. and she just wants to stay there. she just wants to remain in nayeon's arms. cocooned away from everything that is bad and painful, away from the dark thoughts within herself._

_nayeon already understands. they've been through this countless times before, when mina feels too much. nayeon knows she just needs to be there for her._

_“i can’t imagine how painful it would be to lose you.” mina’s voice came out so soft._

_there’s a certain ease with the way nayeon’s hands move to tenderly cradle her face. with a gentle brush of her thumbs, she coaxes mina into opening her eyes to look at her. and she does._

_she sees herself in nayeon’s eyes and it certainly feels like it’s where she belongs. in nayeon’s._

_nayeon never stopped looking at her face, re-memorizing every dots and lines, trying to search for moles that weren't there the last time they saw each other. and when the softest smile formed on her lips, it made mina’s heart settle down._

_“good thing you won’t have to imagine that..” nayeon kisses her again more gently this time._

_“.. i’m yours. always.”_

\--

although a bit hesitant, nayeon invites her inside for a drink or two. just for courtesy. 

mina follows and enters quietly. she walks inside the living room and places the bag on the side of the couch as nayeon fetches them that bottle of wine. she figured the older girl might take a little while to prepare so she decided to walk around while waiting.

it was mina's first time seeing nayeon's new home. she’s proud of the other girl, happy that she got to fulfill their dreams, alone. 

she admires the interiors. not a single detail was out of place, and everything about it just screams nayeon. she spots the accent table that sits just below the wide window. a few photos were proudly displayed in front for people to see, but her eyes were immediately drawn to that tiny lone one hidden behind all others. it’s a picture of just the two of them together. she knows it was purposefully placed there as it was very fitting of what their relationship had always been. away from everyone's scrutinizing eyes, and very much kept just for their own. 

in other people’s eyes, they’re nothing but the best of friends. and they were. they are. or maybe still trying to be, because it is what they promised. to always be there for each other no matter what. they both must’ve figured out by now that doing is so much harder than saying.

they never really knew when they started. they were friends at first till they felt that being just friends won't suffice. they felt the need to be closer. from i love you's of 'i enjoy being with you' to i love you's of 'i can't be without you', their dynamics shifted ever so naturally they never really bothered to question it. because at that time, all that matters is what they felt. 

until it wasn't.

mina picks up the frame. it was when nayeon invited her to stay at her parent’s house for their first summer together. she remembers nayeon’s sister taking that photo, and she smiles at the memory. it was one of the last one that is remotely close to the definition of them being happy. 

she can still remember the blunt snarky remark from a so called friend who had nayeon running away from her that one random night. ever since then things were never the same. 

**i'm not ga.. i don't like gir..**

mina remembers soothing a crying nayeon. prioritizing the older girl’s feelings over her own.

**i know**

because it’s enough. if they were still able to freely love each other inside the four corners of their own room, that's enough.

**i only like you**

they also didn’t know when things ended between them. mina guesses it was when nayeon graduated a year before her. deep down maybe they both knew that was it. the late night calls, good morning texts, even the weekend visits all gradually became less and less. when opportunities started being thrown at them, they grabbed each and every one of them, together with the overseas trips that made them stay away for months. 

mina doesn’t know how it started, but it’s probably the reason why they developed this tradition of bringing gifts to each other every time they come back home. but even that got tiring. visit after visit became more and more like them just being cowards, too afraid to really break things off. and that's why it's harder, because as far as mina knows, she still belonged wholly to nayeon. 

so she still looked forward to every chance that she got to see the other girl. still, mina waited. for what? she doesn’t know. for the world to be so much kinder? maybe. for them to love each other even more so that nothing else would matter? probably. 

so she waited, never made an effort to move on. she hoped the time and distance would make her feelings for the nayeon just magically go away. she once heard someone say that the time it takes to get over a loved one is roughly 'half the length of the relationship'. she believed it for a while until she realized that it simply is not true. because she was with nayeon for three years, been broken up for another three, and in love with her for six.

in the end, she knows she shouldn’t have waited.

there were signs.

**what are we?**

signs that she chose not to read.

**does it matter?**

she guesses it's her fault for hoping too much.

**do you ever see a future with us together?**

mina should've known.

**no**

\--

_nayeon helps her dress up. when the heat between them died down, things never escalated to nothing more than a not so innocent make out session._

_“i’m sorry.” mina apologizes. she looks down to nayeon’s hands which are already on the last button of her shirt. the older one just seems unfazed with it, continues to straighten the creases on mina’s shirt._

_“we have plenty of time for you to do me, minari.” nayeon winks at her, manages to lift her mood up with just a simple gesture. “now let’s get back outside so you can show me what you brought home.”_

_nayeon drags her to the living room and heads straight to the abandoned bag that mina had brought for her girlfriend. they both dig inside it, see an array of weirdly flavored kit-kats that even mina still hasn't tried yet. nayeon excitedly opens one pack, the cherry blossom flavored one. she breaks it in half, eats one piece and shoves the other one in mina’s mouth. thankfully, it was one of the better tasting ones._

_after taking out a couple more packs of matcha, they finally reach the bottom of the bag where a lone omamori sits. nayeon picks up the small, sky blue, pouch looking charm. mina takes it carefully from nayeon’s hands. “It’s called omamori, a japanese lucky charm.”_

_nayeon traces the intricate embroidery adorning the small charm, and notices the cute tiny ribbon on top of it. “can I open it?”_

_“if you open it, the power will escape.” the older girl instantly takes her hands off of it and pouts at mina. “you should’ve told me that earlier!” nayeon frets, and mina laughs at her girlfriend. she still can’t believe there’s a two years age difference between them._

_“will you relax?” mina returns it back to a hesitating nayeon._

_"what did you wish for? wait, is this a love charm?” nayeon asks and wiggles her eyebrows trying to tease her girlfriend._

_"i wished for your happiness.." mina looks at her straight in the eyes, wants nayeon to feel her sincerity. "..because that will always be far more important than you loving me."_

_the silly smile on nayeon's lips fades a little as her eyes gleam under the soft lighting in the living room. she tries her best not to cry as she moves closer to hide her face in mina's shoulder._

_mina pats her head softly, lets her fingers dive deeper into nayeon's locks and comb through it. “and if you’re happy, then I am too. see how that works perfectly?”_

_mina just felt nayeon nodding with her head still down. and after a few more moments of calming herself, nayeon whispers just loud enough for mina to hear. “i’m so in love with you.”_

_“i know.” mina returns back the teasing. nayeon finally lifts up her head. with red rimmed eyes, blushing cheeks and a pout on her lips, it's obvious that the older isn’t too happy with her response. and mina simply cannot stand nayeon looking like a hurt puppy._

_“i’m so in love with you too.”_

_she kisses nayeon this time._

\--

nayeon finally comes back with her fairly expensive bottle of wine. mina immediately puts back the frame on its place, a little ashamed of touching them without permission. even more so that she got caught looking at the one with the two of them in it. nayeon never mentions anything.

“i mis-” mina doesn’t know she had started blurting out the words that have been on her mind the minute she stepped inside the room. but thankfully she was able to stop herself. because nayeon is looking at her like that. there’s a silent plea in nayeon’s eyes that begs for her to not finish whatever it is that she’s gonna say. because certain words will always have a deeper meaning for the two of them.

nayeon hands her a glass and pours the wine till mid way. and there it was. staring at her right in the eye. a sparkling diamond on nayeon’s finger, right where the cheap ring she had bought nayeon years ago was once placed. her grip on the glass tightens. mina just hopes it doesn’t break. she hurriedly places her wine down the table, suddenly excuses herself and heads straight to the bathroom to “freshen up”.

as soon as she closes the door behind her, mina takes out her necklace where a matching old silver band dangles. she never takes it off, but makes sure to always keep it hidden. she unfastens the clasp behind her neck immediately as she feels the metal burn against her skin. getting it away from her helped a little, made her feel like a little weight was taken off her chest. but the sombre ache never left. 

mina had always expected this to happen anyway, had always imagined herself being replaced with someone that will make nayeon genuinely happy. but even after all the time she spent preparing for this moment, the pain in the actuality of it happening is beyond imaginable.

she looks at her reflection in the mirror. she's tired, but she persuades herself to just get through this one night. just this one, and after this everything will get better. she stops herself from crying. they are already past that stage. mina reminds herself what she had always told herself countless times before. 

(just because she hasn’t moved on, that doesn't mean nayeon shouldn’t too.)

she puts on a smile as soon as she goes back, acts like she’s not breaking inside. mina takes a huge sip of her wine and hopes the alcohol kicks in faster. she cannot do this sober. 

“i’m seeing someone.” nayeon finally confesses.

“i know.” 

even without the ring on her finger, mina already knows. with the way nayeon has kept a wide distance between them the whole time, or how nayeon never made any contact with her, not even a hug, and even the way she stops mina from saying anything remotely affectionate. mina has already put the pieces together in her head. nayeon is already committed to someone else. of course mina would know. how could she not?

mina stares at nayeon - properly this time and without hesitation, taking advantage of the mere second where she knows the other girl is not looking. she stares and realizes the feelings she has for the other girl remained the same. it felt like no years have passed, and nothing has changed. 

(did you even love me?)

that single thought crosses her mind from time to time. she tries her hardest to get it out of her system and not let it consume her. because that would be unfair. for both her and the other girl before her. because nayeon _did_ love her. maybe even a little too much. maybe that’s the reason why it’s harder for her to accept the fact that nayeon _doesn’t_ anymore. 

but nayeon did. they both did. maybe mina still does. 

and just because it didn’t work out the way she thought things would for the both of them, doesn’t make the feelings they felt any less real.

“does he make you happy?” mina tries her best for her voice not to shake. she hopes she didn’t sound too bitter.

nayeon never spared her a glance, just kept her eyes focused on the ring on her finger. “he tries.”

that's enough for mina.

there's an unreadable expression on nayeon's face as she answered. with the two of them having spent years hiding their feelings from everyone else, mina didn't know they'd get to the point where they'd be able to hide their emotions even from each other. 

“he asked me to marry him.” 

mina doesn’t know how much more she can take. but she endures it. just so she can have a little bit more time with nayeon.

“what did you say?” she doesn’t know why she had to hurt herself more. 

she hears her heart shatter before she even hears the reply.

“yes.”

\-- 

_nayeon disappears for a while to look for the perfect place to hang her omamori. mina chose not to accompany her girlfriend. she stayed in the living room to stare at the magnificent view outside the apartment's window. there's something calming with looking at the blinding lights the city has to offer. and if you're lucky, like mina is right now, you would be able to clearly see the stars decorating the dark blue skies._

_she takes her hand over her jean pocket and feels the outline of the almost invisible box in it. the weight of its content keeps her grounded. but unlike the numerous times where her mind races and makes her anxious, this time mina's heart is calm._

_six years of loving nayeon, mina thought at one point they'll get tired of each other. but what happened is just the complete opposite._

_she hears the footsteps gradually come closer. she turns around to see nayeon and she knows it's time._

_"where are your other stuff?" nayeon looks around after noticing that mina indeed only carried the flowers and the bag when she arrived._

_"i left it at your parent's house."_

_nayeon looks at her confused. "why didn't you tell me you wanted to visit them? we can just go tomorrow, together."_

_mina just smiles at nayeon. "i needed to see them before coming here."_

_the knot on nayeon's forehead never left. "why?"_

_mina takes nayeon's hand. she sees the worn out silver band on her finger, the same one that she bought for her when they were nothing but broke college students. she brushes her thumb over the ring and there's an instant flood of warmth that spreads all over her body. she can't believe that after all they've been through, they're finally here._

_"to ask for permission."_

_"for what?"_

_"to replace this old ring that i gave you."_

_"but i like this ring."_

_mina cannot believe nayeon still hasn't figured out where this is going. so she finally takes out the box that she's hiding in her pocket, and gets down on one knee. she looks at nayeon and the other girl already has tears pooling in her eyes. she looks at nayeon and she knows she wouldn’t want anyone else._

_“you’re the only one i’d want to spend this lifetime with.”_

_nayeon is already nodding her head, tears uncontrollably flowing out of her lovely eyes. mina really doesn’t enjoy seeing her girlfriend cry, but maybe she can make this one an exception._

_“marry me?”_

_they never really needed those grand gestures._

_“yes.”_

\--

“how was japan?”

mina looks up to her, removing her gaze from the glass of wine she’s sharing with nayeon.

“same old, same old.”

nayeon nods and takes a sip of her drink. mina takes her eyes off nayeon and keeps it focused on the stars that peeks from the open window, unsure if she should even tell nayeon what's on her mind. but she does so anyway.

“they offered me a permanent position there.”

mina quenches her drying throat with a single sip before continuing. “if i take it, that means i’ll be moving back there for good.”

silence took over the room, both hesitating to say anything after the last statement. 

“well, are you?” nayeon’s voice came out so quietly, almost as if she didn't even really want to know the answer.

mina looks at her almost empty glass and allows herself to also think about that question that she so hardly tried to avoid. mina looks at the red swirls of her almost non-existent wine and thinks about the other girl sitting across from her.

(nayeon loves eating hot soup in cold weather. 

she loves the pitter patter of rain that relaxes her and makes her sleep a little bit deeper. 

nayeon loves taking walks when the weather is nice, loves the feeling of wind softly brushing against her face when it gently blows. 

she loves the songs that play on the radio every sunday morning, those songs released two decades before she was even born, hums to it like she’d known them like the back of her hand.

nayeon loves her family very much, and mina loves them too. they’ve treated mina like their very own daughter, and had taken her under their care since her family’s not here. the two of them never really told anyone about - well _them_ , and they want to keep it that way. mina really doesn’t want to imagine how nayeon’s parents would react if ever they found out. she wants to preserve the memories she has of them to be all the good ones.

nayeon loves babies. mina can't even count the times when she had to stop nayeon from almost kidnapping one. and mina would’ve loved to have one with nayeon too. mina's heart melts when she thinks about having a child of their own. what a beautiful combination it would be to have a baby with nayeon's eyes, cheeks and teeth with her nose and lips. but it’s not that simple. it would never be that simple for them would it? 

nayeon loves weddings. loves the feeling of being able to celebrate love. she loves the way the bride walks down the aisle, and even more the way the groom looks as he waits for the love of his life cross that almost infinitesimal distance between them.

nayeon had always loved the normalcy of life, and had always dreamed of the simplest things.

nayeon loves a lot of things.

things that she would be giving up if she chooses to be with mina.

but nayeon already made a choice. and being with her probably was never even an option.)

mina doesn’t know why she even hesitated in the first place.

“yes.”

\--

_nayeon never left her side the moment she slipped on the diamond studded ring on her finger. everywhere mina went, nayeon was there, clinging onto her, face planted on the crook of her neck with whispers of ‘i love you’s’ in her ears. they celebrated by opening a bottle of wine, and stayed cuddled on the couch with talks about their future._

_mina travels her eyes to their recently bought home. yes, the one where they are right now. then she looks at the woman beside her and she just couldn’t wait to start a life with nayeon, build a family of their own._

_mina originally planned on getting back to her now future in-law’s house to get her luggages and tell them of the good news, but nayeon didn’t want to leave, asks for this single night to only be for them._

_nayeon asks for mina to stay._

_mina stays forever._

_\--_

it’s a bit late, and with that little bit of drink that they shared, nayeon had offered for her to stay the night, only if she wanted. there’s a spare guest room anyway. but mina didn’t want to overstay her welcome. it's funny how she always has the option to be close to nayeon, but never be with her.

mina’s brain is a mess. the entire walk towards nayeon's front door, all she can think about is that one theory that she read about an alternate universe. she doesn’t know why her mind was suddenly occupied with that thought when she never really liked the idea of it. it makes her bitter. because if that universe really does exist, a universe where she and nayeon are happy, then why can't it be this one?

they finally stood at the threshold of nayeon’s door, both at the opposite ends painfully trying to avoid looking at each other.

mina knows this is the last time that she’ll get to see the other girl in front of her. probably not forever, but most definitely for a long time. so she gathers her courage to tell nayeon what she forced herself not to say. she wants to be honest with her feelings even for the last time.

“i’m still.. i’m always gonna be in love with y--”

“i know.”

but even for the last time, nayeon doesn’t let her.

she finally shares that lingering look with nayeon. there’s water in the other girl's eyes, but mina doesn’t think too much of it now. she’s guessing nayeon is just going through that feeling that you get when watching the last episode of a tv series that got you hooked. that same feeling after finishing a really good book, or maybe that moment when the credits are already rolling after bawling your eyes out over a movie. the endings will always leave you feeling sad.

she crosses the threshold and never looks back. 

mina leaves for good.

\--

_expectations:_

_they are happy, and are still very much in love with each other._

\--

reality:

they are still very much in love with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if this is a mess 
> 
> twt/cc: veinhirai :)


End file.
